Some of my recent posts about the church and churchianity have me thinking, and I noticed a common thread.
In Fireproof, I noted an underlying assumption that the woman’s unwillingness to obey her marital obligations is excused because she doesn’t feel loved. Which, in turn, helps push her husband into outright sin, which makes her feel even less loved, which excuses more unwillingness to obey marital obligations.
A husband is to love his wife. Biblical command. No excuse not to. But the wife should not be excused for obeying other Biblical commands simply because she does not feel like he is obeying his.
I have gotten into numerous arguments with churchians as to whether forgiveness implies reconciliation (does God’s forgiveness imply we get to Heaven?), and one asked me if a predator kidnapped, raped, and murdered her son, then asked for forgiveness, if this definition would require her to be friends with him.
The short answer is yes. The long answer is “Does that mean God doesn’t have to be friends with you because it’s your fault that his son died? Does that mean that God’s forgiveness wouldn’t apply to your hypothetical predator, since your son is dearer to God than to you? If so, does that mean a murderer is more powerful, and therefor more deserving of our worship than God?”
But she thought that an emotion-laden example would overrule Scripture. That entire discussion consisted of me pointing out something in Scripture, and her countering by saying “How dare you try to force me to act against strong emotions?”
And, just recently in my one post on the example that the church sets by its actions, I noted that my faith would have been blasted to smithereens by the actions of the church had it rested on how I felt about God and how they acted towards me.
I recently read a study (alas, I have lost the link, but feel free to hunt up the facts yourself) that compared people in unhappy marriages to unhappy divorcees. The study showed that divorce typically made things worse, that unhappy marriages typically improve, and, (and this really caught my eye) that most marriages that made it through rough patches and improved did so out of sheer stubbornness. The problems often weren’t resolved, but rather rendered irrelevant by perspective. Counselling by trained counselors rarely helped, with religious counselors proving slightly more effective than their secular counterparts, counselling by friends and family of the husband helped a little, counselling by the friends and family of the wife usually made things worse. But at the end of the day, what saved the marriage was not advice or even better relationship skills, but the simple determination that come Hell or high water, the couple in question was in it for life.
What held me to my faith was not feeling loved by God, but the knowledge that his existence and justice were a diamond-hard fact.
What makes me start writing a game is inspiration and artistic fancy. What made me finish one is the knowledge that sooner or later, I’m going to have a kid, and kids need feedin’.
Feelings. Feelings are the central pillar of churchianity. And feelings are largely biological — our bodies are trained to pop out some dopamine at this event, some vassopressin at that…
The churchian’s foundation is more compelling than a fart, but no more substantial or meaningful.
Depending, of course, on the intensity of the fart.