All Married Christians are Rapists


The legal definition of rape, as I understand it, is sex without consent.

Of course, there is statutory rape.  If someone below the age of consent gives consent, that consent is nullified by the fact that he’s not old enough to know better.  How that boils down, according to what I larned in college, is that power imbalance nullifies consent.  The, say, twenty-something perp had power over the seventeen-year old, solely due to age, so that the teen was incapable of withholding consent.

Seems very orderly, very sensible.  And it allows us to apply the same metric to a young woman in college who gets stoned out of her mind at a frat party and wakes up naked in bed with a dude the next morning.  She could not meaningfully withhold consent, ergo he raped her.

‘Course, we then run into logic puzzles, like what if they were both utterly smashed?  Technically, doesn’t that mean they are both rapists?

Fortunately, modern society has no need for equality or logic.  Women are Holy, Men are Monsters.  Problem solved.

But consider:  the Bible states that married people are expressly forbidden to withhold sex from each other.  (The reason given is so that the withholdee is not tempted to sexual sin, which is why Focus on the Family radio shows spend a lot of time warning you not to tell wives devastated by their husbands’ porn use that they should try having sex more often.  It is true, after all, that sexual sin is the fault of the sexual sinner, and therefore this true fact is sufficient reason to ignore the Bible’s express command with regard to how to avoid the, er, issue.  Women are Holy, Men are Monsters.  Problem solved.)

So.  If you are Christian and married and you actually believe the Bible is God’s Word and should be held in higher esteem than, say, your own whims, you cannot withhold consent, and your spouse is raping you every time you hop into bed, no matter how much you enjoy yourself.

By law.

And if you both believe the Bible is authoritative, you are both rapists and subject to to the full punishment of the law.

You should look up what kinds of rights rapists have.  There aren’t any.  Your sentence is subject to change at any moment.  As in, a two-week sentence technically means “forever.”  You can be beaten into a coma by police or prison guards, and the authorities responsible will be reprimanded with a “that was bad of you (high five!)”  People can hunt you down and kill you and nobody will blink.

And every single Bible-believing Christian in this nation already technically bears this special criminal status.  Me.  My wife.  My pastor.  His wife.

Remember:  it is literally impossible to give consent, same as for a teen, and for the same reason.

The state hasn’t pressed its power here, obviously.  It exercises it in small and discreet dollops, generally avoiding situations that will end up in the public eye.  But technically, it holds the power to strip away the constitution from anyone over the age of, well, twelve or so.

I mean, as long as you don’t have documentary proof of every single act you’ve ever performed, a court can find you guilty of rape.  Even if your supposed victim claims he or she has never seen you before.  Just more evidence of how ‘under your sway’ he or she was.

And even suspected rapists have no rights in this country.  We’ve happily let the courts and the lawmakers strip away every possible hope of succor because rape is the most evil, horrible disgusting thing imaginable! (Which reveals what we truly worship.  If we worshiped God, the most evil, horrible, disgusting thing imaginable would be a toss-up between blasphemy and heresy — misusing God as much as humanly possible.  But our evil, horrible, disgusting thing is misusing sex, so clearly we worship sex.  Which means technically the Roman Catholics who drowned Anabaptists for rebaptising people are morally superior to us even if they were wrong about baptism because they thought heresy was a life or death matter!  I know.  It makes me shudder to think that the horrors in the wake of the reformation are the higher ground.  I, too, am the hell-begotten spawn of this Satanic era.)

Anyway, my main point is:  courtesy our worship of Eros rather than Jesus, the Rule of Law has not existed in this country since before I was born.  To those who wail in outrage at the depredations of Obama, I have a touch of scorn.  It’s not entirely your fault — someone was pulling wool over your eyes — but this country is long since dead, and the blood on your hands comes from your enthusiastic (if misguided) participation in its mutilation.

But take comfort, if they come to pack you away for rape, that your tormentors, too, are technically rapists, and if there is one woman who will give unequivocal consent to any man woman or child who merely flirts with her, it is Madame Guillotine.


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